“Better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t,” goes the old proverb. Or, put another way, it’s better to deal with a person or situation that is bad (but which you understand) than it is to risk something that might be even worse.
We see this all the time in our lives. How many people stay in the same job they hate because, even though it’s a bad job, they know what to expect from it? How many people stick with the same service provider, even though they know the service they’re getting is poor? Lastly, how many people will remain in bad, or even abusive, relationships just because they’re scared of what the alternative might be?
Fear is a natural response, but you can’t let it freeze you like a deer in the headlights of the oncoming Mack truck of life. If you’ve looked at your marriage, and decided you need to put your devil behind you, here are some tips for overcoming fear.
3 Tips For Overcoming Fear in Divorce
Tip #1: Understand Your Fear (And Take Steps To Address It)
Fear isn’t always rational, but sometimes if you understand it better you’ll be able to cope with it. For example, you may be afraid that if you get divorced that you will lose parental rights with your children. A good way to deal with this fear is to look at the situation as it stands. Would your partner do that to you if you divorced them? If you suspect they would try, would the legal system in your area allow them to? Would you be able to fight such an attempt, and realistically have a chance of victory?
By getting the facts of your situation, you can sometimes assuage your fears. Even if they don’t go away, you can remind yourself that the fear isn’t grounded in reality, but rather in what you are afraid could happen.
Tip #2: Talk to Someone (Professional or Otherwise)
If you were going to start a new fitness routine, chances are you’d want to run it past your personal trainer friend. If you were going to start blogging to make some money from home, you’d want to talk to someone you knew who had done that before. So if you’re getting divorced, the best way to assuage your fears is to find someone who’s been through the process to talk with.
Sometimes this is a friend, a family member, or if things are really serious, a divorce attorney. This can help you figure out which fears are realistic, which are groundless, and you can learn from the experience of those who’ve done it already.
Tip #3: Don’t Play Down How Bad Things Are To Make Yourself Stay
When you were a kid, and you couldn’t finish your dinner, did your parents ever pull the, “there are children starving in Africa,” card on you? It’s one of the more common examples of the, “someone else has it worse, so be grateful for what you have,” forms of shaming.
Here’s the thing, though; you don’t need to have the worst problems in the world before you stand up and say no, you aren’t going to just accept your situation. It’s still perfectly okay for you to say, “my feet hurt,” even though there are people in the world with no legs.
If you’re in a bad relationship, it’s perfectly okay for you to say so, and admit that. It is also okay for you to want it to change.
For more tips that can help you overcome the most common fears associated with divorce, and to get help with all the associated legal aspects of your divorce, simply contact our office today to speak to a Minnesota divorce lawyer!